12 months on and still kicking ass..

today os my 1 yr since diagnosis cant believe how fast the time went even though its been a long yr. Didnt think it would bother me much and that it would just be a normal day but must admit twas a weird day....tried keeping myself busy did christmas shopping and put up decs and tree but my mind kept going back over the day and how i felt and how i reacted and told everyone....twas just strange but on a positive tis so good to be 1 yr down and in the clear. A friend wrote this on her status today and im stealing it cos i think its well worth a read... 

Tonight brings us the full Long Nights Moon, as the days get shorter and the Winter Solstice approaches with the longest night of the year, we force ourselves to get through the darkness because eventually we will see the sunlight and warmth again. Think about the things in your life that you have had to endure. Now is the perfect time for spiritual magic, a time to evaluate your life, and know that you will survive the dark times. 

When it is cold outside, open your heart and home to friends and family. Reach out to people who might be suffering from the chill of winter, either spiritually or physically. Blessed Be.

Sometimes life just makes us stop and re-evaluate our lives and our surroundings..... 

Its been awhile I know

Yes its been too long since I blogged sorry but life has taken off again in a good way...finished all my treatment now since oct 14th and all is going good so far. Not due back to hospital till Jan 20th and thats just to radiologist not back to breast clinic till June/July...
So at present I am trying to get myself moving again. Mind is willing the body is not but I am building myself up at a nice pace started back walking missy on longish walks about 1 mile- 2 mile walks and im feeling ok. The days I feel not up to it I have promised myself I will just veg out and relax...I did this Monday as I had no energy at all but felt grand again yesterday and today..
Ive started back reading at night in bed and am currently reading a book about Archangel Micheal. I have a fascination for Angels always did but love Micheal...  Love the stories in the book about all the people that believe he helped them out during times of trouble and I know he certainly helped me this past 12 months. I also decided to do out a new vision board for my room so Ive started collecting old magazines to start cutting things out. I feel it'll help me stay positive and there are a few things I would like to change in my present life (one being my weight) so Im going to focus on the positive and hopefully it'll all fall together in time...of course main vision is my health...On that note im off to bed to read and hopefully sleep..night and god bless x x

Second last radiotherapy and machine breaks down

Do u ever stop an wonder "why is it always me" I swear 2 treatments left (or so i thought now its 4!!)and now may b delayed as machine has broken down AGAIN!! Which causing us to be pushed out a day or two due to canceling our appointments ! I know it's inevitable to expect delays in hospital but so close to the end now I can see the finish line noooooooo....But on a positive not It's been a long 11 months but I'm still 6 ft above the ground hey that's something to celebrate for sure!

Saturday morning lie ins .. U can't beat um!!

Was suppose to get up at 5.30 with hubby to watch Ireland play wales in rugger but didn't even hear him get up which males a change but even do it took me forever to fall off to sleep last night I slept like a log!! So happy this autumn weather seems to suit my hot flushes and jeeps me slightly cooler at night. Having bedroom window open probably helps too poor Greg us probably getting pneumonia from it but he's not complaining infairness to him! Anyway Ireland were beaten so glad I didn't drag my arse out now I'm actually still In it I know that's very lazy but I've brought breakfast down and jumped back under covers - why the hell not I say - lol. I've my 20 yr school reunion tonight half allergic to the usual fools as we all had in our yr but have some good friends that I don't mind catching up with so il see how it goes! Can't believe I'm out of school 20 yrs were did it go? What have I done in that time? See that's another reason I hate reunion u question what uv done with ur life till now and start comparing it to the muppets ur allergic to in the first place !!! Well better go drag me arse into shower!!!

United we stand Jugs in our Hands ....

As ye all know October is Breast Cancer Awareness month so I wanted to post up something thats not just a copy and paste because yer not just anybody yer my friends!! I cant stress enough for everyone to check yourselves weekly no matter what your age is or whether you have someone or not in your family who has had Breast Cancer as unfortunately cancer doesnt care who you are how old/young you are, how healthy/unhealthy, tall/small, fat/thin its all down to how observant and aware of your body you are and if in doubt check it out !!!! Forget the embrassement believe me if you dont check it out and it turns out to be cancer the last thing on your mind will be embrassement so GET YOUR JUGS OUT ladies (and gents)...we're all to full of life to let it slip by due to lack of self awareness..
If we can all just make 1 person each aware of self examination and also that cancer is no longer a death sentence to all its treatable 99% of the time now. Ive even see changes in treamtents and diagnosis since Ive been diagnosed last Dec so together we CAN beat this and thats something we need to speak out about and let the youth of today know what to watch for and how to prevent it.
So grab a feel and save the tata's not just for the month of October but weekly and dont be afraid to ask for help...your life is precious all of our lives are and we deserve to live them to the fullest for as long as we can.................
Love Helen x x

9 Down 16 to go......then its freedom...

Yes its flying Ive 9 radiotherapy's done and only 5 more wks or so and ill be finished..Then its party time champagne and dancing all the way! Premature you may say but I say to hell with it I'm clear life is good and we are here for a good time not a long time so bring it on!!!
Cant wait to get back to the gym and shift this weight and start planning for Christmas.
For now tis bedtime im wrecked x

Day 3... Starting to tan nicely ha

Third radiotherapy down only 22 to go! Drove myself again today but Greg driving me tomorrow as he's off so I can sit back and enjoy the trip. All went grand although I noticed tonight while applying my cream that the area has already gone brownish so I'll have a great tan on one boob and one side of my neck lol!! Oh well itll b a conversation starter won't it!
More debs balls on today my other 2 nieces today 'twas worse than a wedding sweet divine the drama.... But they looked stunning and are out partying now!

Day Off today

No radiotherapy today as they were carrying out maintenance on the machine so I had a nice leisurely day to myself. Went to gym this morning and walked for 40mins 10 of which was uphill so Im delighted with that as it getting my legs moving and my blood circulating ...
Had to drop my car to garage today. A fault came up on screen that air bag not working so he gonna take it in tomorrow and check it out he thinks its an electrical fault so fingers crossed cos I dont have the money to be forking out on services etc now..allergic!!!
Helped my neices this evening get ready for their debs tomorrow evening ..false tan and manicures and pedicures going on up in their house tis worse than a wedding ha ha..

Day 2 and what a long day it was......

Today was a hell of a long day... firstly got to hospital and no parking so sat and waited and finally got one. Then when I checked in for treatment they was a 40 min delay so hence I went on twitter for myself to pass the time(of course I did ha ha). Once I finished treatment I had to wait for specialist app which wasnt too late got out in about another hr..then had to hang around till 3pm for appointment with physio to check my arm as the thought I had a touch of lymphodema in it. So from 13.00 -15.00 i strolled around Wilton Shopping Centre trying not to spend money but of course I did...Im in so much overdraft now tis not funny but hey Ill be back to work soon please god can worry about that then... life is for living right now!!
Thankfully after physio gave me a good check over she told me my arm is fine so far no lymphodema so that was great news. Finally got into car at 16.00 and got home for 16.30 ...I was knackered tired.
But good news is I have the day off tomorrow as they are doing maintenance on the machine so not back till thursday so delighted with that...What will I do....

Day 1... Not glowing yet lol

First day of radiotherapy down and not bad at all. Very good system they have. I went in sat on table 3 young nurses then proceeded to push and pull me into place while I lay there weird!! Then they left came back moved me again then left then told me I finished ta? I cudn believe how fast it was and I was expecting noises or beams or some feeling but nothing. I can honestly say and MRI or x ray wud rake longer and b worse !
I've my own park space (well I've a pass to park in radiology space it's not exactly for helen mc Cauley) and they put a barcode thing on back of my book (book is a log of my treatments had one for chemo too) and in morning I just go straight to waiting room outside my machine and swipe the barcode they'll know I'm there then!!
Tired now do not sure if it's treatment or just lack of sleep last night(which it probably is)
So night all sweet dreams

Why is life such a bitch.....just asking!!

Not moaning about myself although life has been a bitch to me too past 2 yrs but put down a hard night last night. Not because i was sick or anything ..it was my neice 18th birthday party in her house and her dad my brother wasnt there to see it and celebrate with her as he passed away when she was only 1 1/2.
You'd have to have known him to understand why it was so hard there last night as he was a party animal always the craic and center of attention and idolised his little girl!!
Even though she never really knew him proper she still talks about him all the time which is great but to me and i know others there last night felt there was a huge gap in that room that you jsut couldnt get away from..Im sure he's watching over her all the time and shes grown into the most beautiful and kind hearted young lady which I know he'd have been so proud of x 
Sometimes you just gotta ask the question ...WHY????

Waiting rooms in hospitals

Well I'm sitting here in CUH radiology Dept waiting room for my trial radiotherapy run. How am I feeling? Well as it's only a trial run I feel weird half excited as to what I'm in for an nervous as to what I'm in for at the same time! It's great to know this will help keep cancer away but how do u tell that to ur brain which is shouting "eh hello u about to b blasted with radiation??" isn't it funny how we spend our lives avoiding such things so we don't get Ill but then when u get Ill ur blasted with the stuff to keep u alive??? I thought as I got older life would make more sense an b less hard to understand but boy was I wrong!!
I think it's time to switch off the brain an let machines just do their job!! As I say today is just the trial so I wont b glowing on the dancefloor over the wkend lol

The mojo is returning......

Just home had a great aqua aerobics class in gym and twas a great feeling being back amongst my gym buddies...and great to feel normal again. Ive signed up for 30 days for 30 euro so even during the radiotherapy which i start next wk i can go and walk on the threadmill or cross trainer and keep myself motivated..
Have my trial run on Friday now for the radio so hopefully all will go ok and I will start them Monday and from then itll be counting down days till im finished my treatment and getting my health and life back to normal again.
Diet well Im being very good plenty of fresh organic vegetables, even started eating peppers green yellow and red and butternut squash. Got a great recipe for red pesto so hoping to make that during the wk see how I get on.
Food today was:
Breakfast - 2 boiled eggs on wholemeal toast and decaf tea
Lunch      - Wrap filled with ham lettuce onion mix peppers and relish and herbal tea
Tea          -  Homemade veg soup including carrots,leeks,onion,butternut squash and potato with a little thyme and salt and black pepper to season...
Snack     - Fry's turkish delight ( i know but the low fat version of choc)
Also walked missy this morning a good 40 mins fast walk so not bad overall .... feel im getting my mojo back woohoooooo....

Well im home at last

What a great wk i had. I feel totally re energized and ready for anything! LARCC was a great place the food was brilliant the staff were fab the treatments were great and i meet some really genuine friends and know im not alone through my journey x Cant wait to get into my own bed tonight do as the bed was like a rock in mullingar so bring on the 6ft x 6ft memory foam mattress woohooo..
Missed my man do twas great seeing him today in train station and of course me baby missy who went hyper when i came in ahhhh.....
Off to bed now x

Day 4 going home tomorrow

Great day today started wit a trip to belvedere house in mullingar! We walked the grounds an gardens an they had a fairy garden wit all fairies an toad stools in it very magical loved it. Then after lunch we had reiki which I found strange I relaxed but my mind wandered a bit I think I'm wornout by allthe treatments which us great I must b after relaxing completely. This eve then we were suppose to go to see multifarnam the new house for LARCC but our manicures ran Overtime so it was too dark but I'm hoping we can go after breakfast in morning I'd love to see it!but I got my nails done an we relaxed with a bottle of wine! Cant wait to see Greg tomorrow an give me huge hug missed him loads!! An my little girl Missy ahh

Day 3

Well today ended up a very chilled out day as our timetable had to change due to the terrible rain we were having so we did art therapy in morning which I found great she gets u to listen to music an relax an visualize a scene then we go an paint or draw what we like !! Loved it I love art do! Then this afternoon cos we didn't have our trip out due to weather we just relaxed in sitting room an I slept an read my book an we did some tai chi practise .. This eve Cathy one of the girls did an angel reading for me. I was terrified but twas great cos I'm big into my angels an it all made alot of sense! Also one of the nurses gave me a "chillow" which is a pillow u put in ur pillow case which helps with the night sweats I'm getting they r all so kind here I really an loving it all!! This is exactly what I needed an someone is seriously looking out for me to say I got to cone at last minute ! Right off to test chillow now night night x

Day two

Well the day started early at 8 for shower then breaky! Didn't sleep too good bed real hard my back bit happy !! Had a short group session today then thi chi with Shay OMG I love it I'm addicted it's so relaxing an calming dif taking it up when I get home! Lunch was veg lasagna which I hate but as I said chef is fab an I ate the lot even a side portion if beetroot...I'm a new woman ha ha! Afternoon I had the nicest reflexology I ever had in my life. She said if u fall asleep don't worry I said I won't fall asleep .. Ten seconds later I was snoring my head off omg so relaxing! This eve one of the girls brought vino so we had a few drinks in plunge an a good old natter! I'm loving the few days we all getting on great an the place is brill!we got invited back free of charge by boss lady today to their new house next yr if we like too how nice was that!! Ok knackered now zzz

First day in LARCC House

First impressions completely not what I expected I was expecting an old house on a lake but its a new build (well 90's) an on the side of a busy road but lovely an relaxing!people I've met here are nice on first impression! We all have/had breast cancer an r all in different stages of recovery! It's good to hear their stories an see how they cope etc!! Had lovely Indian head massage this eve an a nice walk wit one of the girls from cork ! We sat on swing out the back an chatted!she can't have kids either now an is in the process of adopting so I'm learning loads from her! Food here unreal the chef is Malaysian an she cooks everything from scratch! She's given us all the recipes on Friday before we go! All healthy food right down to the biscuits she makes herself!! Thi chi in morning can't wait to try that an reflexology in afternoon!!

off to mullingar for a few days R&R

Hidi hi well im off to LARCC house in mullingar for a week of yoga thi chi mediation and talks with other cancer patients.. its basically all gonna help me get myself back to normal and learn to deal with living with cancer as Ive only had bad experience of cancer in my family as i lost my mam and gran to breast cancer and my sis in law 6 yrs ago so i need to surround myself with people who've gone through it and survived to tell the tale and have a more positive twist on this bitch called cancer.. I am still very positive about it all i dont believe im gonna die etc(not as yet anyway) but after all the treatment i feel im just starting to wear done a bit and it just becomes scary to be on your own again no nurses and docs looking after you although i still have radiotherapy to go but thats more precautionary so Im finding it hard to accept that i have to trust the docs have done their job correctly its gone and im fine !! To be honest and i do believe any cancer patient would agree the hardest part of cancer isnt all the treatment, losing hair,feeling sick, tired and sore after op!! ya they are shite times but honestly the hardest part is the mental stress, the waking up every morning trying not to worry and basically trying to cope with the whole living with and getting over having cancer!!
So im off to get in touch with the inner me and see how that helps!! i love a good ole pampering anyway so heres hoping i get some of that too....
So ill try and blog while there but will only have my iphone so wont be that easy but ill dif blog on my return to let ye know how it went and would i recommend it ....
So for now caoi bella x x

howdy partners

Just dropped in to say hi busy week here sis and family home from Paris on a quick visit on their way to new york for a few days then back to us again for a few days. Great seeing her i really missed throughout my treatment and her kids Sophie and Alice i just love to bits they cheer me up no end..
Only thing is I'm rearing to go on a holiday now everyone is either going or coming from one and I'm just stuck here in the Irish physco summer when its like winter storms one min and then melting heat another!! Mother nature sure is going through menopause!!!Even the evenings are getting darker already.. I'm definitely doing the lotto tomorrow night. All i want is enough for a nice trip away with Greggy and maybe pay some of  me debts..(not even all of them)that's not asking much is it.. i mean come on ha ha..but i know i know ur health is ur wealth i not doubting that but it would be nice (a girl can dream)
Right I'm gone again just a quick hi x x

Got a hair piece for my hair piece today

New Pain killers are kicking in woop woop and I got a sleep last night! But still drained of energy! Was watching tv today midday and next thing I was snoring and drooling on the couch so not like me but I suppose I've alot of catching up to do! Have a wedding tomorrow we were in two minds as to whether we go or not but decided to go in the end it'll be a night away for us and it's in Kinsale which is lovely!! So panic then this eve as to what to wear! Found a black dress an ended up over in mahon point looking for a shrug or jacket to wear wit it but found a lovely champagne colored short jacket to go wit it! Matches my shoes which r my wedding shoes! Of course i jus had to get myself a fascinator then (well it's a wedding) u wudn mind if i had hair to put it on like but found a nice small one an asked my niece (she's a hairdresser) to trim my Britney (that's what I called my wig incase u thought it was something else) so now my Britney wit fascinator attached is sitting on the dresser ready to b worn ! I'll take pics as the day unfolds looking forward to been out an not worrying about my health for a night!! Might even have a vino or two!!

Happy 4th wedding anniversary darling x

4yrs ago today we stood in a little chapel in limone lake Garda an said "I do"!!! Sunshine laughter an full of excitement.. Twas the best day of my life! U were so nervous an I remember u telling me at the reception u had 2 bars of cadburys chocolate so u wouldn't faith at the top of the church!! But u did me proud.. Of course twas I ended up the nervous one putting ur ring on the wrong hand!we laughed so much at that! I wonder are we technically even married so ha ha! No getting rid now x x thanks for making each day an adventure I love you !!
Just the two of us x x

so far so good and im a happy bunny

Well Friday was a good day doc informed me that operation was a great success. She believes she has got it all they took 34 glands thinking i had a few bad ones but it was only the 1 which had the original tumour that was bad thank god !!!So plan now is to start radiotherapy end of Aug which she said should help protect my breast from it returning and I will also be starting hormone suppressing tabs for 5 yrs as my type of cancer is estrogen driven so it ll stop me producing it which delightfully will also give me early menopause including hot flushes and night sweats but sure I have been getting them all through chemo... and if I'm honest although I'm not looking forward to 5 yrs of it id prefer that than to be pushing up daisies from six feet under!!!! no question!!
On a brighter note I'm healing great and have possibly 5-6 wks to myself with no treatment and I cant wait to get back to some normality..even my hair is making an appearance...
My sis and family due home for a few days in a wk so must get house ready for them and my gran niece christening is on on the 30th July so that ll be a great family night (cant wait to have a few drinks-mini celebration for myself too of course lol)
Its also our 4th wedding anniversary tomorrow how time flies.. poor Greg did he know when he signed that paper what he was letting himself in for with me....please god things are on the up for us now and we'll have a long happy life ahead of us......
This time 4 yrs ago i was in a pub in lake garda with my family and friends and all excited for the day to come.. Oh id do it all again in a heart beat and not change a thing x x

Tis good to be home again

Oh i love my bed....ha ha.. tis great being home went for a walk today with Greg and Missy and friend collected me this afternoon and we went for a spin to the beach for some fresh air twas lovely. Not sure if this weather will last another day but here's hoping it will it just cheers everyone up and makes a day go much easier..
I doing my physio at mo and boy tis hard all stretches and bends of arms and chest. Results now Friday! I feel real good about them  - that she got it all and i can have a few wks to get myself back to normal before i start radiotherapy.
Would do anything to have a holiday with Greg as its our 4th wedding anniversary next Monday and we haven't been able to get away in over 2 yrs as I've been sick and Greg has been so good to me would love to treat him to a break but the joys of being out of work doesn't help with financing a holiday so maybe towards the end of the yr we'll get away..
as for now tis bed time  x x

Tiger woods at it again

Afternoon all one more day in here I'm counting it down now! Sleep wasn't the best last night as older lady across from me came back from theatre around 10.30 after op on her broken leg she's not that old early sixites but decided to spend the whole night asking god to just take her please at the top of her voice!! After about 2 hours I nearly starting asking him the same "will u just take her or I'll smoother her".... Joys of hospital I suppose but boy 'twas long night!Got out of bed early(well about 9) had my shower an dressed an sat on chair wit feet on bed reading an listening to iPod must of nodded off cos next thing I knew was dr tiger woods pulling my toes laughing standing at otherwise of bed!! Thankfully this time I wasnt drooling an snoring!! He apologized for waking me a of course I'd rambled off on some silly story 'not at all I was just listening to music' ya right!He confirmed home tomorrow anyway thank god!
Dad just called in there god my heart breaks for him at his age having to come see me like this an I can see it upsets him! I'm all ott happy then of course trying to pre occupy his mind meanwhile he's looking around at all the sick people!! But he's shepherds pie for dinner tomorrow for my home coming *what a man* an of course he brought me a magnum ice cream.. Didn't have the heart to tell him I was full so ate it ..

Day 8 in the big house

Today wasn't too bad considering yesterday I was upset an wanted to go home only for cancer nurse I'd have walked!! It's very hard being in a hospital surrounded by sick people when u urself feels fine it actually drags u down so much! But today I got my 2 Hr release an went shopping wit Greg an had lunch it was only across in shopping centre next to hospital but felt great to mingle wit healthy people again! Blood pressure up alright this eve when I came back but told them twas the excitement of it all ! Sure no doubt it'll b checked again 3-4 times by breakfast so no worries!!
My darling hubby also brought up my laptop an DVDs so had a lovely evening watching johnny depp an orlando bloom Hubba Hubba !! So just took sleep tabs now as women across from me is a wee bit of a handful I think I sense docs have had her a few times an I know specialist had words wit her today about she needin to help herself but she moans even in her sleep sn right now I need sleep to get my health were it should be again!!
Only 2 more sleeps an I'm home wit Greg Missy an my dad can't wait! Then my Sis coming wit her family in a wk or so an I'm praying we have 3 good things: good weather good results good fun til b good to jus not have worry in my brain 24/7 for a change !
I must say how grateful I am to the doctors an nurses an staff here in CUH they are angels sent from above the way they do their jobs x

D-Day ... Results of op

Morning awake since 6 not bad considering I'm in hospital but they left us sleep today cos woman I share room wit heading to get her thyroid removed today so she's just heading off down to theatre poor lady is terrified!! Il say prayer for her!!
My drain has improved so delighted wit that hasn't gone down much but it's gone down (bonus). An todays the day they are discussing my operation an how it went so wee bit nervous now.. The outcome I ask for is she got it all an tissue surrounding it is clear an no more chemo an start radiotherapy in 8-10 wks !! After what I've been through I think I deserve that result I've been a model patient (if I do say so myself) everything by the book so positive vibes now
An bring on the finish line... It's been a long 7 months of treatment an worry I can't wait to start my life again a new an get back to exercise an gym!! I miss the gym so much. It's still surreal to me that I've cancer an have no hair an just had part my breast removed crazy how in life we just flow along but when you stop an look back boy it's scary!! Missing my mam so much these past few days in hospital but she's here in spirit I know an keeping me positive an strong !! All I can say is enjoy being in ur health we don't appreciate it enough let me tell u x x

Bored.com

Ya still here drain is still filling up so looks like it'll b thurs if not sun!! I can go home with it but this is something I'm not willing to take a chance wit cos if results come back as good on thurs I'll have nearly 2-3 months free to get my strength back before starting radiotherapy so a few extra boring days in here will b ok!!
Miss my ladies from the ward do they all gone home so I'm in a semi private room now which is grand but miss the crack!! At least the weather has turned bad again as it was very hard last wend looking out at everyone in shorts an t shirts sunning themselves!!
It's hard staying positive in here do ur surrounded by so much sickness an people telling u there story an it makes u second guess ur diagnoses an compare which is the worst thing one can do I know so even do I miss my ladies I'm happy to be sharing wit a girl now who jus had appendix out !!!
Also everyone is working too so no visitors Aldo my cousin Susan called today she was up wit my uncle getting x ray said shed call up! An Jean an George my besie mates call! An of course poor Greg comes straight from work he must b exhausted poor guy!! He really is my rock x one thing u do notice is how life carries on without u! People keep doing what they do! But roll on thurs an good results il have another hurdle jumped then it's a sprint for the finish line x

Hello from the hospital

Yes it's the day after operation an I'm feeling good. Op went well won't know results til next fri morning but spoke wit my specialist an she's happy so far so fingers crossed! I'm here in the ward now wit a lady from my home town in bed across from me. The lady in bed next to me is from city shes lovely only found out3 wks ago she had breast cancer an has had a mastectomy but needs chemotherapy yet so she's all over the place as yet asking me loads of questions about the chemotherapy! I've told her wat I can but told her everyone is different an she just Needs to stay positive an it'll fly around! We all even though were going through this crappy thing seem to have funny situations we had since being diagnosed! I've had lots of visitors today my brother Tony my dad my best friend Jean greg called this morning an also this eve he's just gone tis gonna cost Greg a fortune on carpark fees!!
So tonight I here on chair next to bed reading emma hannigans new novel "the pink Ladies club"
An waiting for the lady to bring me a cup of gold old barrys tea! My drain is doing it's job an I'll b in till that is clear so more than likely be sun or mon! But it's good to have another hurdle down bring on the raduim next!!

Just want this day over wih

Cant beleive they did it again to me...this time last yr i had to have a disc removed from my back and they canceled the op due to no neds available then a wk later they rang me as i was being driven in to hospital to say no bed come back in morning... then after op they kicked me out the following mornig even though i wasnt to sit walk or stand for 14 days yet i was made get into a wheelchair to leave hospital and driven home in a car (in agony)... now today 5 mins before i left my house for hospital they ring to say theyve no bed !! fast at home from midnight and come straight in to hospital at 9 am and theyll have a bed during the day for me but i will get the op done... wtf irish healthcare system is a f**kin joke... its not like im getting a tooth out or cosmetic surgery this is urgent operation that could cost me my life .... STOP MESSING WITH MY F**KIN HEAD...
So im off to bed now and have to get up at 6.30 to shower and be gone out of house for 8 to be there on time whilst fasting ....god give me patience... staying positive is being tested to the last otday beleive me....
I apoligise for rant but its been a crap day x x roll on this time tomorrow and good news from operation x x
keep sending me you positive vibes need them more than ever today x x

Hospital day today

Just spent the last 3 hrs downloading music for the hospital on my iPhone!! I'm nervous but more anxious to just get in there now an get it over with!! At least then I'll know where I stand and what's next on the recovery list! I'm hoping the hospital won't be too warm Coe wit these hot flushes I'm getting since I started chemotherapy I won't b able to sleep a wink! I'm bad enough sharing a room wit people I'm such a light sleeper I can't relax everything someone coughs or moves about I'm awake!
So better roll over here now an make the most of my own bed! Good night all prob blog tomorrow night from hosie but not sure when I'll b blogging again after that as it's my right arm pit area they b operating on so it'll b fun!!
Keep sending all ur positivity to me an keep me in ur prayers x x

its confirmed ....

hospital rang today and confirmed im due in wednesday and operation on thurs so im wrapping myself in bubble wrap between now and then ha ha... and of course greg gets the man flu so im avoiding him like someone with the plague ha poor man but cant afford to get sick now this wk of all times...
Im nervous about the operation but looking forward to some time for me just not being able to do nothing just recover and read and sleep..

sunday night watching top gear

yes im drinking a glass of red wine and watching top gear on a lovely sunny dry evening in cork... we went to inch strand today with missy to let her swim in the sea but twaas full of sufers (oh at least men/boys sitting on boards in the water pretending to be surfers).. so seh wouldnt go into water she was too scared...so we just walked along the beach sat for a bit but there was a thick fog coming in so we headed home. Sat out the back garden with my factor 30 on but twas lovely to feel the sun in ur skin it just cheers ya up..and listened to dire straits on my ipod very chilled out i must say i found myself saying" life is gooooooood" in all my ill health and worries i really did appreciate the moment and enjoyed the down time..
Booked in for operation thurs fingers corssed ill be going in wed depending on getting a bed..just cant wait to get this operation over so i know where i stand and whether ill need more chemo or just start on the radiotherapy!!! im hoping to go to lourdes in aug with my sis who lives in france but it all depends on what my next treatment will be...
Ok so off to watch the star in the reasonably priced car (top gear) chat later x

no operation this wk anyway..sooo disappointed

Yesssss im bloggin from my couch...operation canceled sunday eve cos my bloods were low i was sooo disapointed cos i was so built up and ready for it and to be honest just want it over with.. but now i have to wait till fri to get bloods checked again and hoping to get operation done on monday ...
Ive been told to have a quiet wk and get plenty of rest and sleep so just out of bed now after a wee nap and bored off me knockers ha ha...
Take that were brillantsun night do an unreal perfromance from robbie too.. and at least i was there and not in hospital when they got my blood results.. so roll on friday and better bloods!!!

First hurdle jumped....

Well today went great..ive responded well to chemo and all has shrunk loads so im booked in monday for removal of lymph nodes and breast tissue. I was suppose to go in sunday at 3 get bloods taken and then op monday but i mentioned in passing to specialist that i was missing Take That concert for op she insisted i go and come in monday for op as she can fit me in monday afternoon too! I had given up the idea of seeing them even more allergic missing a luxury night in the four seasons..so now im going in sunday get bloods checked and ring them at 6 sunday to see if blood are ok to come in monday. If bloods are still low (due to chemo) she'll put off operation til thurs!!
So first hurdle over with and a good result so perparing my head now for round 2 operation round 3 raduim.... but one positive step at a time i say...off now to have a good sleep i hope x x

candles are lit...

well tomorrow is d day results of the scans and to see if chemo has worked!! Ive lit all my candles tonight that people have given me from id say every saint that has ever been named..greg says tis like an inferno in here ha ha!! Am i nervous??? Hell ya but ive managed to keep myself busy today and im going to read my secret book tonight before bed so i go to sleep (if i sleep) with positive thoughta in my head..Not much else i can do then but wait till the morning for results...
Ive booked myself into the cancer support house for chat and massage at 11 so i can discuss it with a professional as i know ill find it hard to take it all in tomorrow whatever she has to say is the results.. so they will help make things clearer and make it logical..
I went to erasure in concert with my 7 friends last night and let all my worries at the door and boy what a night im in bits today after it pains all over but it was worth it i smiled and laughed for a solid 2.5 hrs.. best medicine ever...
So till tomorrow then wish me luck x x

Its been too long

well hello ive been very naughty and haven blogged since 19th may.. just couldnt be arsed really... but finally finished my chemo sessions so said id jump in and let ye know!! 6 months have flown omg.. and now its results time scans on wednesday and results friday so itll be a wk from hell me thinks.. my head is all over the place trying to think positive and bascially say to myself what will be will be but come on like seriously thats all good in theory but my mind says other things like omg what if ..... but deep breathing and plenty of focusing on the future and listening to strange positive attitude cds shud help... I apologise now to my husband friends and family for the mess i will be in this wk and probably moody and touchy (i know whats new there) but its the only way i know of getting through this wk...
On a brighter note im off to erasure in the marquee wed night a bit of hanging with the gays night best way to spend a night ever i love erasure!! and depending on my operation schedule i shud be at take that sunday night and staying in the exculsive four seasons hotel that night why not life too short i say.... but that depends on operation date..
So for now its adios and i apologise again for the bad grammar and low keys but im just typing as i think right now so au revior x x

On the last leg of my journey to health

Only 1 chemo to go...woohoo. June the 7th bring it on... Also got phone call from cancer nurse this morning have my MRI booked for the 15th June and appointment with Specialist the 17th and Im pencilled in for the 20th June for my operation... Not sure how a big an op it will be yet but please god theyll take it all get it over with all in one op...
Downside of this (if there is one) ill miss the Take That concert ive been looking forward to since last yr but as they say there will be plenty more concerts whens im healthy and cancer free!!!

Today im not feeling too bad think the phone call about op has helped lift me.. I had chemo Monday and finished steriods since tue so today is come down day tired and getting sore but hey i keep telling myself how much itll be worth it to kick this bitch once and for all cos im very positive that im going to get through this and live a long and happy life!!!! Im one of the lucky ones I do believe why shouldnt I be if you dont believe in urself who will so bring it on...
Watching SATC2 now having a wee giggle I love it... trying not to fall asleep during it as Ill be awake all night otherwise!!

Round 7 of chemo tomorrow

Yes only 1 more to go after tomorrow and hoping ill kick this bitch to touch before then... a wee bit nervous about it as was all out of sorts after last one but heresz hoping it goes well.... all ready anyway bed sheets changed bathroom cleaned kithcen cleaned clothes sorted for next with and gregs too.. food bought in for gregs lunches and dinners.. so all in all im ready for it...
Probably wont sleep a wink tonight but sure i dont mind ive a jackie collins book to keep me going!
I got quiet weepy today not sure if its the fact ive chemo in morning and its coming close to the end and my emotions are all over the place cos periods have stopped or the fact weve a new wee baby in the family and everyone is on a high.. My dad meet her today and i think that may have set me off as all i ever wanted was a family of our own and would have loved to have been able to see him hold my child someday but thats looking like a miracle in its self now cos of theis friggin cancer (what a bitch) but sure i need to focus on living now and beating this cancer once and for all an who knows we may be able to adopt someday fingers crossed x x meanwhile ive missy to keep me entertained for now...
Gregs been a gem with it all i know its hurts him too but he just supports me and is there when im weepy love him to bits im a lucky lady to have meet such a genuine guy whos loves me "just the way i am" x x

Today is Friday the 13th and what a crazy 2 days Ive had

Where do I begin... Yesterday morning my niece gave birth to a little girl 6lb 2 ounces Kayla Marie absolutely adorable little girl.. and I became a gran aunty at the age of 37...OMFG!!!!!!! but Im sooo happy to see a new life coming into our family and happy moments its long overdue let me tell ya..
Also yesterday I meet with my oncologist and he gave me a good examination and said he is very happy with my treatment so far and said the lump under my arm has gone down loads and the one in my breast may be gone but will have to wait for scans to verify that but with 2 more treatments to go im bang on target for my op in july and then start the raduim.. so good news as far as it can be im gonna kick this mother fucker out of me and live a long and happy life...
Today I went to the chapel of adoration as a friend was covering her mother for 2 hr and I said id do 1 hr for her...it was lovely very peaceful and great for letting my thoughts flow and my mind wander!!Its so good to get time just for you and I am diffenately going to go more often..
Greg collected me from there as we were going to look for cars as he was trading in his car for another. I also rang the CUH (hospital) to book my op and scan appointments on the way..
Greg ended up buying a 2007 Mazda 6 very nice car ...
So overall its been a manaic few days and Im sure more to come.. Ive round 7 on Monday heres hoping it goes ok and my ticker doesnt go gaga on me again... roll on june the 7th last chemo woohooo...
Chat tomorrow x

About to be a gran aunty

Yes my 21 yr old neice has gone into hospital and will be sectioned in the morning and I will get to see my gran neice at last. Hope it all goes well for her and It Is so good to have some happy news in our family again. Im also going to see specialist in the morning so fingers crossed he'll have good news for me too. Im hoping he'll shed some light on when im going for operation and when im starting raduim as Im hoping to get away for a few days with Greg in between one of them so we can relax..
So overall tomorrow is going to be a crazy day which please god and all the angels above will end on a very happy note all round.
Im typing here now and sweating like a flippy pig as im getting a hot flush(flash) as this chemo is putting me through the change early to help stop the cancer spreading... im going from clothes on clothes off all day (not naked of course...yet) but its the weirdest thing every.. Tis a hard part of the treatment for me too as we spent the last 3-4 yrs trying to conceive a baby to no avail and now that wont happen at all... always thought id have lots of kids as I came from a family of 6 and love having kids around me.. but if it means I get to live longer and get to grow old with my soulmate Greg then its worth the scarifice to me... and sure now I have my gran neice to entertain me from tomorrow on so Ill be throwing my affection at her x x

Its a stormy May night

Well now the wind has certainly decided to pay us a visit. Its like the iddle of winter out there but thankfully its not raining as yet ! It wasnt a bad day except for the wind. I went to a coffee morning in the community hall for the alziemhers ireland charity whish was good just a quick cup of tea and cake with my bessie mate.. then relaxed with greg for the afternoon before heading out for tea with the girl.
I was very good food wise ..chicken salad for starters (a bit too much on plate do) then seafood medley for dinner..salmon,cod,prawn and smoked haddock with mash and veg.. but i fell down on dessert by having cheesecake but I did leave a bit(tiny bit) ha ha...
Thankfully heart seems to have calmed down again but I am much more careful with the foods im eating and no salt on foods. This surely can only help me! Im meeting Specialist Wednesday to discuss how my treatment is going so hopefully he'll have some answer for me about heart palptitaions and other stuff im dealing with...
Off now to watch the 'Hotel' on channel 4 have a good night all x x

first little set back

Well I suppose I couldnt keep sailing through treatment without at least a little set back... was having a good day yesterday besides getting soaked in the rain yesterday morning but sun came out in avo and went to woods with Missy and bessie mate. Came home and chilled out with hubby on couch. Friend form Clare called for chat. I had a small bit of pain in arms and neck so took a neurofen (which im allowed) and felt much better then took my antibiotic at 10 and went to bed at 11and took my sleeping tab. Decided to tweet a little and check up on facebook and about 11.50 called it a night which didnt last long as I no sooner lay down when my heart started pounding in my chest so sat back up and tried to relax as with the steriods I do get alot of palpitations so I know to just stay came and let it pass but this seemed different and was lasting a long time over and hr in total so woke poor Greg and we called the doctor. He came hr hour later and decided it was serious enough to go to A&E to get trace on heart so at 1 am off we went to south infirmary..
Got seen to fairly quick and BP and pulse was fine but had to wait for doctor to read over results so was told take a seat in waiting room. We both sat there from 2 am till 6.30 with no sign of anyone coming to us so as I was starting to feel sick from being awake all night I asked to see nurse and told her I couldnt wait any longer so signed myself out. She said she'd send the result to my doctor..So thats my drama now didnt get to bed till 7am this morning what a 24 hrs....
Whats funny is Greg probably thinks I did it all to fill my blog ha ha poor Greg hes me rock x x

busy wkend but feeling good

Well now how was everyone bank holiers then... We had a great wkend here and tis not finished yet... 2 huge liners came in the celebrity eclipse and the voyager of the seas... stunning .. im lookin gup cruises since. Its a great holiday i imagine if you just wanna relax and do nout just stroll around islands and the ship so thats prefect for me at the mo..
Weather held up till today too started raining this evening but not till tea time so that was nice. Im feeling quiet good too.. considering i only had my chemo tuesday this wk im happy a little pain still out my back and down my legs and my head looks like a bowling ball on my shoulders its so swollen.. nurses said thats the side affect from chemo an the meds but otherwise life is good... not back now till 16th may aldo i must go for fluch this tues and meeting oncologist on the 11th so hopefully he'll have some positive news for me... well as much as he can without scans and stuff to look at but fingers crossed.. must admit i still dont feel like ive cancer and im sick its certainly not what i expected.. but cant wait to have my taste buds back an ive decided once all treatment done im going to start running. I really want to run a marathon if only a half one and want to finally get fit this is the wake up call ive been needing so please god ill get the chance to do it... anyway im off now to take me sleep tab and try get some zzz x x

The day before the big day...

Yes tomorrow is... the start of the may back holiday ha ha only kidding of course its the royal wedding.. will i watch it... probably mostly out of the fact that nothing else will be on tv..and out of intrigue..although i must admit i like Willaim and Kate and would love if they could be left alone to enjoy their day which of course would never happen but god is it a life you'd want for your children. I mean their whole lives out there for the world to see have an input and give their opinion.. Poor Diana was the first to stand up for her independance and now heres her son and how will he and his wife Kate cope.. hopefully they will and do it as a united front unlike Charles and Diana.. I do feel William loves Kate unlike Charles feelings for his wife on his big day but were will it end up... anyway I wish them well in their future sure no one knows what the future holds do we!!!!
Me myself today how am i feeling?well not bad first day off steriods now this treatment and got through the day ok.. hoping sleeping tab will kick in again tonight and get me a good night sleep. Greg was painting spare room all day so I got to read my book and sit in the front garden and take in some sun twas lovely...  so all in all a good ole day.. think its tomorrow when I normally start getting pain in my joints so im well prepared with my tabs by the bed waiting..
So till tomorrow and the day that lies ahead x x

chemo day 6

Had my 6th chemo today and all went well so far. Only 2 more to go before the dreaded scans think there will be alot of prayers novenas and reading of the secret and calling in the positivity of the law of attraction to get me through these mext 2 months!!
Good thing is I spoke to doc today and told him im not sleeping he said thats normal as all the steriods ive been taking are building up in my system so hence im suffering from insomnia. So hes given me some mild sleeping tabs to help so I cant wait to get to bed tonight and try and have a great sleep...
Didnt do much today just chiiked on couch.. so short and sweet blog today talk tomorrow x

End of bank holiday wkend (till next wkend)

Back home we actually got home at 11.30 as we missed missy so much we decided to check out early...sad i know... but we also avoided all the traffic too by doing that so prefect. Came home and cleaned house from top to bottom as im back in to hosie tomorrow for chemo so like to have the house clean for that wk ahead. Also changed bed sheets so fresh bed now tonight.. love it .. start my steriods as well today need to take them the day before chome for these sessions so im strong enough to take the chemo... weather wasnt too bad today overcast with sunny spells so after cleaning house we headed to woods with missy for a walk twas lovely very busy but lovely.
Then my brother called down at 4 o clock to say they were having a BBQ at 6 if we wanted to join them so we did and twas lovely cooked outside sat in conservatory good crack came back down from there about 8 and my sis rang for france to see how im doing. She was just back from Vienna with her hubby as they were 15 yrs married this wk... how lovely!!!
Im very nervous about tomorrow as I know I getting a lot of side affects for all the medication this treatment so im trying to prepare myself byt having all my meds next to couch and plenty of fruit and bottles of water and sitting room all ready...
I think whats making me more nervous is that this is my 3rd last one and then I have to meet with onthologist about more scans and then fingers crossed the op to remove lump..its like to me if i could just keep going like this getting chemo every 3 wks then I dont have to face up to the whole fact of what happens next? Has the chemo worked? Will I have op? Will I have double masectomy?(which I want) Will I bascially survive?????????
I am very positive and do believe Ill be fine but reality is no one knows ...Not a single person on this planet can tell me "its going to be alright your going to be fine"  which is every cancer p[atients fear and all that you long for from every doctor nurse specialist that you speak to but of course they are trained to not say that kind of thing as they hinestly dont know.. I remember reading a paragraph on this in Emma Hannigan's book "say it to the head scarf" and it was good to know your not the only one how feels this way every cancer patient feels this longing to be told your going to survive..
But chin up and battle on it aint over till the fat lady sings as they say and im one big momma (but cant sing ha ha)

hair is having a night off

Yes im not going mad im currently sitting in the hotel bar with bandana and a glass of vino.. hair is having an early night on the bedside locker. The hotel is a bit disappointing I hate saying, the shower is broken and tap in sink and telly(flat screen) is about to fall off the wall...the breakfast we did not book(room only) but this morning we decided what the hell and went down for full irish.. the waiter didnt even wipe down our table before putting down our tea and coffee(even though we had both ordered coffee) so I wiped it down with the table mats. Then the food itself was cold and dry...20 euro we payed so tomorrow morning tis up early and off down to a local cafe for proper breakfast. I know we only payed 55 euro a night for htoel but that shouldnt matter its a 4 star hotel and shouldnt have these standards. I have stayed here before and it was amazing. Good point we did have a beautiful early bird meal last night 3 courses 16.95euro each brillant price but again not sounding like a moaning lisa but its advertised on lift wall thats its 15.95 euro a head so thats not right. I will post this on the web site we booked it on but not to just complain but so the hotel will see it and might do something about it.. I know I should say it now but I think it would fall on deaf ears most of staff although very nice are jumiors or foreign and i havent seen a manager. I could ask but really not one for complaining and if im honest its not affecting our overall stay and wkend as we are enjoying it !!! Tis great to get away from home and all the 'How u today' which I know is just a caring family but its nice to just be us... hence the bandana tonight im just helen relaxing with greg in bar waiting to go for grub..and may i say tonight is gregs choice an he has choosen hes favourite restuarant 'abrakadabra' ahhh we actually meet over a kebab in Cyprus so itll be very romantic im sure ha ha...
Spent the morning with gregs nan shes 87 soon and is marvellous still bouncing around like a teenager. Then went to gregs mams for the afternoon to see joshua and have dinner. Turkey and ham and 4 kinds of veg including baby potatoes and stuffing and gravy mmmmmm yummy..And yes im going to eat again tonight ah tis easter and technically I haven really eaten a egg yet just choc bar and chocolate carrot (robbed off nephew!!!) Well enjoy the rest of your bank holiday wkend I know I will as this time next wk ill be after my chemo tue and wont be uo to much so live for today and enjoy every secs all peace out ha ha vino kicking in me thinks x x 

blogging on me holidays

Never got to blog yesterday had a busy day and was doing good friday stuff last night. We have a local church chior that sing alot of taize music and its amazing and so uplifting so I went to the prays around the cross last ngiht form 9-12 but slipped away around 11 was kanckered.
Anyway that was yesterday today was a fab day sun shining all day although it was only 16-18 degrees but hey the sun was out I was happy. We left home this morning at 10.45 and arrived in shannon around lunch time to meet gregs mam in the centre for lunch she was delighted to see us. Gregs sis and nephew came too. Joshua (gregs nephew) is adorable he adores greg he calls him "greggy".... ahhhh they both had their munster jerseys on for the match this eve (which munster won by the way 20-22 just over now). Stayed with gregs mam till 4 and then headed into our hotel in limerick and once we parked up twas off to the bar.. greg hasnt had a pint since new yrs eve and i really wanted him to relax and just let himself go these few days. I know all the worrying about me must be taking its toll on him so glad he had a few pints this eve watching the rugby.. of course i had to have a few bacardi's so he wouldnt feel pressured ha ha ya right as if i need to have my arm twisted mmmm.
We both cant stop thinking of our baby at home "Missy" my dad is minding her and I know she'll be fine but cant wait to see her monday already god help us how sad are we....
Watching BGT on tv at the mo and hoping to nod off soon and be nice and fresh in morning as we are heading to visit gregs nan in morning then back to his mams for turkey and ham dinner mmmmmm
and of course chocolate .. bring it on...happy easter all x x

Hottest day of the yr so far

Well well 'what a gods gift of a day' tis day like this i just love going for walks and breathing in the air and vitamin D and feel thankful im alive and able to be out in the sun.. Poor Missy had 3 walks today so shes flat out here on mat. Meet my cousin Trisha for lunch today and her 4 yr old little boy eddie whos adorable but must say a little spoilt.But twas nice to meet up with her and we even went to the local library which I can honestly say i haven been in since Id say I was about 18 nealry 20 yrs ago cant believe its still open but guess what I actually joined it today only  2.50 euro for 12 months i mean come on ya cant let that go and since im not really sleeping lately a few good books would be handy... So got a patricia scanlon novel for tonight and typical ill probably sleep the night through ha ha..
Actually im just about to have a glass of wine to help me sleep was going to have a brandy but think ill try the wine first as brandy brun my throat so fingers crossed. Looking forward to sat now heading away for few night s with greggy x x Tomorrow is good friday but im still off to the gym to meet PT with chick. Thats Jean my bestest bud she does the PT trainng with me as we are too chicken to do it on our own ha ha.. also meeting friend from work MOL whos forty today so we meeting for lunch but as its good friday itll be fish and no dessert ha ha
Off now to watch Katie price make a fool of herself on sky chat tomorrow x x here comes the vino woohoo

Insomnia

Another sleepless night for me last night tis nearly a wk now since ive had a proper sleep and its really starting to affect me im shattered...going to ask about sleeping tabs in hosie next wk just incase i need them but for now its herbal pillow spray and rescue remedy to relax me..oh and sleeping under a sheet and windows open ha ha think ive lost it !!!
Did loads of housework today cos we heading away for wkend and im back to hosie on tue so dont fancy doing it all monday when we get home.. so ironing done washing done tomorrow im going to change our bed sheets (might help me sleep too). Also today I made quiche mmmmm twas yummy have some left for tomorrow as well and I baked a sponge cake but unfortunately i had no recipe so was making it up as i went and lets just say Missy(the dog) enjoyed it ha ha might try again tomorrow..
Heard sad news today of a lady i knew for the supermarket died suddenly she was only in her 40's so its very sad think it was heart attack and once again it puts my illness into prespective as she didnt even get to say good bye to her family it was so sudden. At the end of the day I believe I will kick cancers ass but truly we are all born and we will all die we just have different paths on the way and some are long and some are short but its all about the enjoying the journey and living each day like its our last illness or no illness life is short.
I lost one of my brothers 16 yrs ago this may. He was 33 yrs old married with a 1 yr old little girl... He left home full of health apparently and went golfing with friends and had a massive heart attack on the first tee and died immediately... so when people say to me how strong I am throughout this I just feel thankful that I can be cured please god and have been given the chance to change me life and live every min to the max wearing a smile and brightening peoples lives where i can x x
So go spread the happiness ha ha

Day 2 Busy day today

Howdy dowdy... today started crap as I slept shite last night so couldnt get out of bed this morning. Managed to drag me arse out about 10 and called next door to my sis in law(mags) for breakfast of branflakes and brown whoelmeal bread and cup of tea and chat (kinda my morning ritual really if I dont call she thinks im sick and panics ha ha.. shes the best I love her like a sis..anyway headed to meet my PT in gym at 12.30 then and OMG the poor guy i swear why he bothers I dont know cos everything he asked us to do I moaned and said do I have to... but did an hr of cardio anyway and stomach excerises so will be stiff in the morning but it got me out of my lazy moment. Had shower there and then went out for lunch (I know gym then out for lunch ill never learn)but we were all aroud this avo so decided to meet up. I had cod and chips for dinner not the healthiest but I am trying to eat more fish so not too bad although I had hot chocolate pie with ice cream for dessert too so that not good..
Came home and took missy for a long walk around the block good 20 min brisk walk and hills too so made up for the dessert. Decided not to have any dinner then this eve cos that lunch was big enough so once I had gregs made and him feed I called for Mags and we headed out for another walk 45 mins along the water front in Cobh. Tis a fab evening here sun still shining now.. loads out walking too. Came home and made myself a roll with tuna salad in it and big glass of water so overall it was an alright day health wise...
After eating the lily o'briens easter egg yesterday I felt a lot of pain in my lump under my arm so it really has given me a scare enough to stop me eating chocolate or at least too much chocolate so thats a good thing. Going to make a quiche tomorrow with asparagus and grilled ham pieces so ill have that then for dinner.. greg watching match on tv now missy chasing an empty plastic bottle around the front room and im ready for bed .. please god ill sleep tonight after all the fresh air and exercise today  x x

Day 1 of my healthy eating kick

Well I decided last night that I need to start eating healthier to help this chemo fully work on my body so today was day one and well lets just say Ive no will power....started off great 2 boiled eggs on brown wholemeal toast and coffee no sugar skimmed milk...then my brother dropped me to hospital to get my picc line flushed at 12.30. On way back home I told him Id treat him to lunch for the spin so we headed to a local restuarant called The Elm Tree. While driving there we passed my dad heading in the opposite directions and knew he was heading to another restuarant up the road so we turned back and followed him up. Once there my healthy eating started to go out the window and this place does the best grills and fry's so ended up having 2 bacon and 2 sausages and fired egg which I gave to my brother as I had already eaten 2 eggs earlier in the morning....I did manage to have brown toast(oh right thatll make a difference ya muppet). Once back home and after doing some washing and hanging out some clothes I decided to call out to work and drop off my sick certs as Im suppose to drop them in wkly but hadnt been up to going out there in recent wks so had 8 or 9 wks of certs. Twas nice being back in there funny really cos before I hurt my back last yr and ended up off work for 6 months I hated my job and used to cry some days I wanted to get out of there so badly cos I had been promoted to Area Leader (sort of a supervisor but they named it something else so they wouldnt have to pay us typical big company crap) and it was very stressful as when they promoted a few of us the let others at our level go and others were demoted to opertors again 'rough' also the operators under us had their wages froze so all in all as im the kinda of leader who likes to motivate people and encourage them to work in a good happy enviroment with all these changes this was starting to become mission impossible and the operators started trying to join a union to get better treatment (which I dont believe in cos I think unions just take your money and do fick all but thats just my opinion each to their own I say) but atmosphere in their become horrible sometimes I wonder did the hole stress of it bring on my disc injury as I was gyming like mad to releive some stress and doing a lot of spinning classes.. i even applied for 12 months leave of abxence as myslef and greg had discussed heading to Canada ...anyway with all that drama the back op ended up giving me time away from work and when i went back in sept I felt much better and things had started to improve in there and it felt good to be back with my colleagues.
Now im out again and today just felt strange kind of a longing to just get my life back to normal...sort of a panic feeling of 'am I ever going to get back to normal' what lies ahead of me in life...but still twas good to catch up.
So after seeing workmates and realising how much I miss being the person I was 12 months ago a very strong leader who people looked up to and turned to with problems and personal issues to now being the person who has CANCER... I ended up comfort eating by cooking a big chicken casserole for myself and greg and after eating that ...even though I wasnt hungry I cleaned off a Lily O'Briens easter egg..so now im on the couch disgusted with my crappy shitty eating day but have decided to start again in the morning as Im meeting with my PT in the gym tomorrow for a session so instead of comfort eating I can take out my upset on the machines and weights... so im putting today behind me and picking my chin up and thinking positive as sure once im finished chemo and please god the operation goes well Ill be back to work and probably be allergic again in a week... bring on my old boring life again I swear ill not complain....Talk tomorrow x x x

OMG such a lazy day today

Since I had such a late night last night lets just say I made up for it today as I didnt do sweet all but twas nice cos yesterday was a busy day too with all the painting and then night out so myself and greg had a late breakfast and then went for small spin in car down to waterfront and got ice creams this avo then back on couch watching come dine with me for avo .....
Tomorrow I have to go to hosie to get my picc line flushed again and make sure the swelling has gone down in the vein.. thankfully i have another wk before i got back in for chemo so looking forward to enjoying this wk catching up with friends for lunch goign to see my PT at the gym and having a good workout release some tension and stress ha ha and we have easter at the end of wk too (chocolate...). We are heading to limerick for 2 nights of just chilling out the two of us away form all chemo and cancer talk and just be us for 2 nights cant wait....

What a Day...

Saturday the 16th April.. 'what a day indeed'....started with breakfast down the town with hubby nice and relaxing then we came home and made a start on painting as we have my sister and family coming home in July for 2 wks and dont want to leave all the DIY till they nearly here incase Im not feeling well. So off we went emptying the spare room painting cupboards walls ceilings(well I did cupboards Greg did the rest hehe ) then i progressed onto the back hall and must admit not bad!!!! nice and bright I choose a kind of light lemon colour called pashmina. So overall we were happy.
Then I had to jump into shower as by the time we finished it was 5 o'clock, were does the time go when you doing DIY tis crazy .. I had my oldest neice 21st party in bellavista chinese at 7.30. Only good thing about having cancer (if I can actually say there is a good thing) is that showering can be done in ten mins as ive no hair to its in scrub and out woohoo...Bad side is instead of spending an hr doing my hair I now spend and hr or more doing my makeup as my eyelashes are nearly gone (eyebrows still hanging in there at least) and doing makeup with no eyelashes is SO hard cos no matter how well you paint your face (my idea of putting on makeup) and eyes you still look kind of like you forgot something.. so it takes a bit of creative colours and lines to give the right effect.. but I pulled it off I think.. and we headed out .
Had a fab meal and plenty of red wine twas lovely. My neice is pregnant so I organised the evening for her as she didnt want a party but she did like the idea of a meal and get together... so as shes my first niece I said Id organised it for her. Overall there was 16 of her cousins and family so she was delighted.
I was ready for bed about midnight my niece had headed away about 11 as she was tired she has only 6 wks left (more excitement) but my sis in law (mags and her sis trisha) were on a roll so I stayed and managed to stay awake till 2.30am...now I must admit and it really has nothing to do with having cancer 'Im just too old to do late nights anymore'
I love going out early having grub a few nice drinks and home by midnight (I knowI know.. sad!!!) but still one night every so often is good... but I can tell ya now twil be couch all day Sunday do x

technically this is Fri the 15th post

Howdy dowdy.. today started off a bit shitty didnt sleep last night as my arm which has a picc line in it (for the chemo as my veins are collapsing) have swellled up and is soooo painful. I rang hosie and they said to come up and let doc see incase it was infected. So 11 am this morning i was in the south infimary but thankfully line is fine but vein may have pilbitis(cant spell) so on more antibiotics now for that and neurofen for the pain.. but as the day went on it picked up as I had 4 friends calling this evening so spent avo cleaning up sittingroom and went to woods with missy and jean and polly(shes a staff bull terrier and is so cuddley) and pip(shes a westhighland terrier adorable).. missy loves the woods and loves polly!!
Anyway Ann,Lisa,Jean and georgina all called up about 8.30 and we had pringles and vino... and blackforest gateau for later... twas a good catch up I really love when we as a group met up as we always have a good banter and get on so well.their the kind of girls you can just be yourself with even ann turned up ion uggs and tracky and check shirt no apoligise just thats her chilled out(love it)
.hence why my Fri 15th post is now going on the Sat 16th page as I was chatting so much and then blogging about it it went past midnight... Greg is here with me now (poor guy got kicked out while girls called ... to explain - we share a house with my dad basically he gave it to us as hes old and im the youngest so he said rather than us renting hed sign it over to me and we could start doing it up gradually (love him) its a big enough house and we have our own part of the house just share bathroom and kitchen etc we have our own sitting room and 3 bedrooms and a spare room which Greg is turning into his games room/computer room but everything gone on a slow mo since I got sick so poor ends up in bedroom with laptop when frineds call to me ahhhh hes the best x x hes watching simpsons from earlier now while im blogging here and missy is attacking the bean bag... good times ha ha Im a lucky lady x

day 1 of my blog ha ha

Ok its the day after my nieces 21st bday and ive decided to write a blog.... why? dont know really maybe to relieve some stress or just moan although i hope i dont moan too much else ill only annoy myself reading it back...So how does this work... ill start with a bit about myself even though im talking to myself here but what the hell im great company ha ha
Married to greg nearly 4 yrs now. Got married in Italy Lake Garda twas best day of my life loved it...We have a gorgeous dog named Missy whos a golden cocker spaniel we got her for Greg's Birthday in Oct as last yr I had a rough yr as I had a slipped disc in my back that ended up severing my sciattic nerve causing me to loose the feeling in my right leg and hence had an operation in June to remove the disc. Finally got back to work (pharamacuetical leader) in Sept part time and things were looking up until .......
Got diagnosed with Breast Cancer Dec 10 2010 and currently 5 chemo sessions in and not doing too bad... i have 8 in total which will take me up to the end of June then its operation time all going ok and then ....well who knows the world is my oyster....(enough for now me thinks ...)