Well I decided last night that I need to start eating healthier to help this chemo fully work on my body so today was day one and well lets just say Ive no will power....started off great 2 boiled eggs on brown wholemeal toast and coffee no sugar skimmed milk...then my brother dropped me to hospital to get my picc line flushed at 12.30. On way back home I told him Id treat him to lunch for the spin so we headed to a local restuarant called The Elm Tree. While driving there we passed my dad heading in the opposite directions and knew he was heading to another restuarant up the road so we turned back and followed him up. Once there my healthy eating started to go out the window and this place does the best grills and fry's so ended up having 2 bacon and 2 sausages and fired egg which I gave to my brother as I had already eaten 2 eggs earlier in the morning....I did manage to have brown toast(oh right thatll make a difference ya muppet). Once back home and after doing some washing and hanging out some clothes I decided to call out to work and drop off my sick certs as Im suppose to drop them in wkly but hadnt been up to going out there in recent wks so had 8 or 9 wks of certs. Twas nice being back in there funny really cos before I hurt my back last yr and ended up off work for 6 months I hated my job and used to cry some days I wanted to get out of there so badly cos I had been promoted to Area Leader (sort of a supervisor but they named it something else so they wouldnt have to pay us typical big company crap) and it was very stressful as when they promoted a few of us the let others at our level go and others were demoted to opertors again 'rough' also the operators under us had their wages froze so all in all as im the kinda of leader who likes to motivate people and encourage them to work in a good happy enviroment with all these changes this was starting to become mission impossible and the operators started trying to join a union to get better treatment (which I dont believe in cos I think unions just take your money and do fick all but thats just my opinion each to their own I say) but atmosphere in their become horrible sometimes I wonder did the hole stress of it bring on my disc injury as I was gyming like mad to releive some stress and doing a lot of spinning classes.. i even applied for 12 months leave of abxence as myslef and greg had discussed heading to Canada ...anyway with all that drama the back op ended up giving me time away from work and when i went back in sept I felt much better and things had started to improve in there and it felt good to be back with my colleagues.
Now im out again and today just felt strange kind of a longing to just get my life back to normal...sort of a panic feeling of 'am I ever going to get back to normal' what lies ahead of me in life...but still twas good to catch up.
So after seeing workmates and realising how much I miss being the person I was 12 months ago a very strong leader who people looked up to and turned to with problems and personal issues to now being the person who has CANCER... I ended up comfort eating by cooking a big chicken casserole for myself and greg and after eating that ...even though I wasnt hungry I cleaned off a Lily O'Briens easter egg..so now im on the couch disgusted with my crappy shitty eating day but have decided to start again in the morning as Im meeting with my PT in the gym tomorrow for a session so instead of comfort eating I can take out my upset on the machines and weights... so im putting today behind me and picking my chin up and thinking positive as sure once im finished chemo and please god the operation goes well Ill be back to work and probably be allergic again in a week... bring on my old boring life again I swear ill not complain....Talk tomorrow x x x