Monday, 25 April 2011

End of bank holiday wkend (till next wkend)

Back home we actually got home at 11.30 as we missed missy so much we decided to check out early...sad i know... but we also avoided all the traffic too by doing that so prefect. Came home and cleaned house from top to bottom as im back in to hosie tomorrow for chemo so like to have the house clean for that wk ahead. Also changed bed sheets so fresh bed now tonight.. love it .. start my steriods as well today need to take them the day before chome for these sessions so im strong enough to take the chemo... weather wasnt too bad today overcast with sunny spells so after cleaning house we headed to woods with missy for a walk twas lovely very busy but lovely.
Then my brother called down at 4 o clock to say they were having a BBQ at 6 if we wanted to join them so we did and twas lovely cooked outside sat in conservatory good crack came back down from there about 8 and my sis rang for france to see how im doing. She was just back from Vienna with her hubby as they were 15 yrs married this wk... how lovely!!!
Im very nervous about tomorrow as I know I getting a lot of side affects for all the medication this treatment so im trying to prepare myself byt having all my meds next to couch and plenty of fruit and bottles of water and sitting room all ready...
I think whats making me more nervous is that this is my 3rd last one and then I have to meet with onthologist about more scans and then fingers crossed the op to remove lump..its like to me if i could just keep going like this getting chemo every 3 wks then I dont have to face up to the whole fact of what happens next? Has the chemo worked? Will I have op? Will I have double masectomy?(which I want) Will I bascially survive?????????
I am very positive and do believe Ill be fine but reality is no one knows ...Not a single person on this planet can tell me "its going to be alright your going to be fine"  which is every cancer p[atients fear and all that you long for from every doctor nurse specialist that you speak to but of course they are trained to not say that kind of thing as they hinestly dont know.. I remember reading a paragraph on this in Emma Hannigan's book "say it to the head scarf" and it was good to know your not the only one how feels this way every cancer patient feels this longing to be told your going to survive..
But chin up and battle on it aint over till the fat lady sings as they say and im one big momma (but cant sing ha ha)

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