Just want this day over wih

Cant beleive they did it again to me...this time last yr i had to have a disc removed from my back and they canceled the op due to no neds available then a wk later they rang me as i was being driven in to hospital to say no bed come back in morning... then after op they kicked me out the following mornig even though i wasnt to sit walk or stand for 14 days yet i was made get into a wheelchair to leave hospital and driven home in a car (in agony)... now today 5 mins before i left my house for hospital they ring to say theyve no bed !! fast at home from midnight and come straight in to hospital at 9 am and theyll have a bed during the day for me but i will get the op done... wtf irish healthcare system is a f**kin joke... its not like im getting a tooth out or cosmetic surgery this is urgent operation that could cost me my life .... STOP MESSING WITH MY F**KIN HEAD...
So im off to bed now and have to get up at 6.30 to shower and be gone out of house for 8 to be there on time whilst fasting ....god give me patience... staying positive is being tested to the last otday beleive me....
I apoligise for rant but its been a crap day x x roll on this time tomorrow and good news from operation x x
keep sending me you positive vibes need them more than ever today x x

Hospital day today

Just spent the last 3 hrs downloading music for the hospital on my iPhone!! I'm nervous but more anxious to just get in there now an get it over with!! At least then I'll know where I stand and what's next on the recovery list! I'm hoping the hospital won't be too warm Coe wit these hot flushes I'm getting since I started chemotherapy I won't b able to sleep a wink! I'm bad enough sharing a room wit people I'm such a light sleeper I can't relax everything someone coughs or moves about I'm awake!
So better roll over here now an make the most of my own bed! Good night all prob blog tomorrow night from hosie but not sure when I'll b blogging again after that as it's my right arm pit area they b operating on so it'll b fun!!
Keep sending all ur positivity to me an keep me in ur prayers x x

its confirmed ....

hospital rang today and confirmed im due in wednesday and operation on thurs so im wrapping myself in bubble wrap between now and then ha ha... and of course greg gets the man flu so im avoiding him like someone with the plague ha poor man but cant afford to get sick now this wk of all times...
Im nervous about the operation but looking forward to some time for me just not being able to do nothing just recover and read and sleep..

sunday night watching top gear

yes im drinking a glass of red wine and watching top gear on a lovely sunny dry evening in cork... we went to inch strand today with missy to let her swim in the sea but twaas full of sufers (oh at least men/boys sitting on boards in the water pretending to be surfers).. so seh wouldnt go into water she was too scared...so we just walked along the beach sat for a bit but there was a thick fog coming in so we headed home. Sat out the back garden with my factor 30 on but twas lovely to feel the sun in ur skin it just cheers ya up..and listened to dire straits on my ipod very chilled out i must say i found myself saying" life is gooooooood" in all my ill health and worries i really did appreciate the moment and enjoyed the down time..
Booked in for operation thurs fingers corssed ill be going in wed depending on getting a bed..just cant wait to get this operation over so i know where i stand and whether ill need more chemo or just start on the radiotherapy!!! im hoping to go to lourdes in aug with my sis who lives in france but it all depends on what my next treatment will be...
Ok so off to watch the star in the reasonably priced car (top gear) chat later x

no operation this wk anyway..sooo disappointed

Yesssss im bloggin from my couch...operation canceled sunday eve cos my bloods were low i was sooo disapointed cos i was so built up and ready for it and to be honest just want it over with.. but now i have to wait till fri to get bloods checked again and hoping to get operation done on monday ...
Ive been told to have a quiet wk and get plenty of rest and sleep so just out of bed now after a wee nap and bored off me knockers ha ha...
Take that were brillantsun night do an unreal perfromance from robbie too.. and at least i was there and not in hospital when they got my blood results.. so roll on friday and better bloods!!!

First hurdle jumped....

Well today went great..ive responded well to chemo and all has shrunk loads so im booked in monday for removal of lymph nodes and breast tissue. I was suppose to go in sunday at 3 get bloods taken and then op monday but i mentioned in passing to specialist that i was missing Take That concert for op she insisted i go and come in monday for op as she can fit me in monday afternoon too! I had given up the idea of seeing them even more allergic missing a luxury night in the four seasons..so now im going in sunday get bloods checked and ring them at 6 sunday to see if blood are ok to come in monday. If bloods are still low (due to chemo) she'll put off operation til thurs!!
So first hurdle over with and a good result so perparing my head now for round 2 operation round 3 raduim.... but one positive step at a time i say...off now to have a good sleep i hope x x

candles are lit...

well tomorrow is d day results of the scans and to see if chemo has worked!! Ive lit all my candles tonight that people have given me from id say every saint that has ever been named..greg says tis like an inferno in here ha ha!! Am i nervous??? Hell ya but ive managed to keep myself busy today and im going to read my secret book tonight before bed so i go to sleep (if i sleep) with positive thoughta in my head..Not much else i can do then but wait till the morning for results...
Ive booked myself into the cancer support house for chat and massage at 11 so i can discuss it with a professional as i know ill find it hard to take it all in tomorrow whatever she has to say is the results.. so they will help make things clearer and make it logical..
I went to erasure in concert with my 7 friends last night and let all my worries at the door and boy what a night im in bits today after it pains all over but it was worth it i smiled and laughed for a solid 2.5 hrs.. best medicine ever...
So till tomorrow then wish me luck x x

Its been too long

well hello ive been very naughty and haven blogged since 19th may.. just couldnt be arsed really... but finally finished my chemo sessions so said id jump in and let ye know!! 6 months have flown omg.. and now its results time scans on wednesday and results friday so itll be a wk from hell me thinks.. my head is all over the place trying to think positive and bascially say to myself what will be will be but come on like seriously thats all good in theory but my mind says other things like omg what if ..... but deep breathing and plenty of focusing on the future and listening to strange positive attitude cds shud help... I apologise now to my husband friends and family for the mess i will be in this wk and probably moody and touchy (i know whats new there) but its the only way i know of getting through this wk...
On a brighter note im off to erasure in the marquee wed night a bit of hanging with the gays night best way to spend a night ever i love erasure!! and depending on my operation schedule i shud be at take that sunday night and staying in the exculsive four seasons hotel that night why not life too short i say.... but that depends on operation date..
So for now its adios and i apologise again for the bad grammar and low keys but im just typing as i think right now so au revior x x