The day before the big day...

Yes tomorrow is... the start of the may back holiday ha ha only kidding of course its the royal wedding.. will i watch it... probably mostly out of the fact that nothing else will be on tv..and out of intrigue..although i must admit i like Willaim and Kate and would love if they could be left alone to enjoy their day which of course would never happen but god is it a life you'd want for your children. I mean their whole lives out there for the world to see have an input and give their opinion.. Poor Diana was the first to stand up for her independance and now heres her son and how will he and his wife Kate cope.. hopefully they will and do it as a united front unlike Charles and Diana.. I do feel William loves Kate unlike Charles feelings for his wife on his big day but were will it end up... anyway I wish them well in their future sure no one knows what the future holds do we!!!!
Me myself today how am i feeling?well not bad first day off steriods now this treatment and got through the day ok.. hoping sleeping tab will kick in again tonight and get me a good night sleep. Greg was painting spare room all day so I got to read my book and sit in the front garden and take in some sun twas lovely...  so all in all a good ole day.. think its tomorrow when I normally start getting pain in my joints so im well prepared with my tabs by the bed waiting..
So till tomorrow and the day that lies ahead x x

chemo day 6

Had my 6th chemo today and all went well so far. Only 2 more to go before the dreaded scans think there will be alot of prayers novenas and reading of the secret and calling in the positivity of the law of attraction to get me through these mext 2 months!!
Good thing is I spoke to doc today and told him im not sleeping he said thats normal as all the steriods ive been taking are building up in my system so hence im suffering from insomnia. So hes given me some mild sleeping tabs to help so I cant wait to get to bed tonight and try and have a great sleep...
Didnt do much today just chiiked on couch.. so short and sweet blog today talk tomorrow x

End of bank holiday wkend (till next wkend)

Back home we actually got home at 11.30 as we missed missy so much we decided to check out early...sad i know... but we also avoided all the traffic too by doing that so prefect. Came home and cleaned house from top to bottom as im back in to hosie tomorrow for chemo so like to have the house clean for that wk ahead. Also changed bed sheets so fresh bed now tonight.. love it .. start my steriods as well today need to take them the day before chome for these sessions so im strong enough to take the chemo... weather wasnt too bad today overcast with sunny spells so after cleaning house we headed to woods with missy for a walk twas lovely very busy but lovely.
Then my brother called down at 4 o clock to say they were having a BBQ at 6 if we wanted to join them so we did and twas lovely cooked outside sat in conservatory good crack came back down from there about 8 and my sis rang for france to see how im doing. She was just back from Vienna with her hubby as they were 15 yrs married this wk... how lovely!!!
Im very nervous about tomorrow as I know I getting a lot of side affects for all the medication this treatment so im trying to prepare myself byt having all my meds next to couch and plenty of fruit and bottles of water and sitting room all ready...
I think whats making me more nervous is that this is my 3rd last one and then I have to meet with onthologist about more scans and then fingers crossed the op to remove lump..its like to me if i could just keep going like this getting chemo every 3 wks then I dont have to face up to the whole fact of what happens next? Has the chemo worked? Will I have op? Will I have double masectomy?(which I want) Will I bascially survive?????????
I am very positive and do believe Ill be fine but reality is no one knows ...Not a single person on this planet can tell me "its going to be alright your going to be fine"  which is every cancer p[atients fear and all that you long for from every doctor nurse specialist that you speak to but of course they are trained to not say that kind of thing as they hinestly dont know.. I remember reading a paragraph on this in Emma Hannigan's book "say it to the head scarf" and it was good to know your not the only one how feels this way every cancer patient feels this longing to be told your going to survive..
But chin up and battle on it aint over till the fat lady sings as they say and im one big momma (but cant sing ha ha)

hair is having a night off

Yes im not going mad im currently sitting in the hotel bar with bandana and a glass of vino.. hair is having an early night on the bedside locker. The hotel is a bit disappointing I hate saying, the shower is broken and tap in sink and telly(flat screen) is about to fall off the wall...the breakfast we did not book(room only) but this morning we decided what the hell and went down for full irish.. the waiter didnt even wipe down our table before putting down our tea and coffee(even though we had both ordered coffee) so I wiped it down with the table mats. Then the food itself was cold and dry...20 euro we payed so tomorrow morning tis up early and off down to a local cafe for proper breakfast. I know we only payed 55 euro a night for htoel but that shouldnt matter its a 4 star hotel and shouldnt have these standards. I have stayed here before and it was amazing. Good point we did have a beautiful early bird meal last night 3 courses 16.95euro each brillant price but again not sounding like a moaning lisa but its advertised on lift wall thats its 15.95 euro a head so thats not right. I will post this on the web site we booked it on but not to just complain but so the hotel will see it and might do something about it.. I know I should say it now but I think it would fall on deaf ears most of staff although very nice are jumiors or foreign and i havent seen a manager. I could ask but really not one for complaining and if im honest its not affecting our overall stay and wkend as we are enjoying it !!! Tis great to get away from home and all the 'How u today' which I know is just a caring family but its nice to just be us... hence the bandana tonight im just helen relaxing with greg in bar waiting to go for grub..and may i say tonight is gregs choice an he has choosen hes favourite restuarant 'abrakadabra' ahhh we actually meet over a kebab in Cyprus so itll be very romantic im sure ha ha...
Spent the morning with gregs nan shes 87 soon and is marvellous still bouncing around like a teenager. Then went to gregs mams for the afternoon to see joshua and have dinner. Turkey and ham and 4 kinds of veg including baby potatoes and stuffing and gravy mmmmmm yummy..And yes im going to eat again tonight ah tis easter and technically I haven really eaten a egg yet just choc bar and chocolate carrot (robbed off nephew!!!) Well enjoy the rest of your bank holiday wkend I know I will as this time next wk ill be after my chemo tue and wont be uo to much so live for today and enjoy every secs all peace out ha ha vino kicking in me thinks x x 

blogging on me holidays

Never got to blog yesterday had a busy day and was doing good friday stuff last night. We have a local church chior that sing alot of taize music and its amazing and so uplifting so I went to the prays around the cross last ngiht form 9-12 but slipped away around 11 was kanckered.
Anyway that was yesterday today was a fab day sun shining all day although it was only 16-18 degrees but hey the sun was out I was happy. We left home this morning at 10.45 and arrived in shannon around lunch time to meet gregs mam in the centre for lunch she was delighted to see us. Gregs sis and nephew came too. Joshua (gregs nephew) is adorable he adores greg he calls him "greggy".... ahhhh they both had their munster jerseys on for the match this eve (which munster won by the way 20-22 just over now). Stayed with gregs mam till 4 and then headed into our hotel in limerick and once we parked up twas off to the bar.. greg hasnt had a pint since new yrs eve and i really wanted him to relax and just let himself go these few days. I know all the worrying about me must be taking its toll on him so glad he had a few pints this eve watching the rugby.. of course i had to have a few bacardi's so he wouldnt feel pressured ha ha ya right as if i need to have my arm twisted mmmm.
We both cant stop thinking of our baby at home "Missy" my dad is minding her and I know she'll be fine but cant wait to see her monday already god help us how sad are we....
Watching BGT on tv at the mo and hoping to nod off soon and be nice and fresh in morning as we are heading to visit gregs nan in morning then back to his mams for turkey and ham dinner mmmmmm
and of course chocolate .. bring it on...happy easter all x x

Hottest day of the yr so far

Well well 'what a gods gift of a day' tis day like this i just love going for walks and breathing in the air and vitamin D and feel thankful im alive and able to be out in the sun.. Poor Missy had 3 walks today so shes flat out here on mat. Meet my cousin Trisha for lunch today and her 4 yr old little boy eddie whos adorable but must say a little spoilt.But twas nice to meet up with her and we even went to the local library which I can honestly say i haven been in since Id say I was about 18 nealry 20 yrs ago cant believe its still open but guess what I actually joined it today only  2.50 euro for 12 months i mean come on ya cant let that go and since im not really sleeping lately a few good books would be handy... So got a patricia scanlon novel for tonight and typical ill probably sleep the night through ha ha..
Actually im just about to have a glass of wine to help me sleep was going to have a brandy but think ill try the wine first as brandy brun my throat so fingers crossed. Looking forward to sat now heading away for few night s with greggy x x Tomorrow is good friday but im still off to the gym to meet PT with chick. Thats Jean my bestest bud she does the PT trainng with me as we are too chicken to do it on our own ha ha.. also meeting friend from work MOL whos forty today so we meeting for lunch but as its good friday itll be fish and no dessert ha ha
Off now to watch Katie price make a fool of herself on sky chat tomorrow x x here comes the vino woohoo

Insomnia

Another sleepless night for me last night tis nearly a wk now since ive had a proper sleep and its really starting to affect me im shattered...going to ask about sleeping tabs in hosie next wk just incase i need them but for now its herbal pillow spray and rescue remedy to relax me..oh and sleeping under a sheet and windows open ha ha think ive lost it !!!
Did loads of housework today cos we heading away for wkend and im back to hosie on tue so dont fancy doing it all monday when we get home.. so ironing done washing done tomorrow im going to change our bed sheets (might help me sleep too). Also today I made quiche mmmmm twas yummy have some left for tomorrow as well and I baked a sponge cake but unfortunately i had no recipe so was making it up as i went and lets just say Missy(the dog) enjoyed it ha ha might try again tomorrow..
Heard sad news today of a lady i knew for the supermarket died suddenly she was only in her 40's so its very sad think it was heart attack and once again it puts my illness into prespective as she didnt even get to say good bye to her family it was so sudden. At the end of the day I believe I will kick cancers ass but truly we are all born and we will all die we just have different paths on the way and some are long and some are short but its all about the enjoying the journey and living each day like its our last illness or no illness life is short.
I lost one of my brothers 16 yrs ago this may. He was 33 yrs old married with a 1 yr old little girl... He left home full of health apparently and went golfing with friends and had a massive heart attack on the first tee and died immediately... so when people say to me how strong I am throughout this I just feel thankful that I can be cured please god and have been given the chance to change me life and live every min to the max wearing a smile and brightening peoples lives where i can x x
So go spread the happiness ha ha

Day 2 Busy day today

Howdy dowdy... today started crap as I slept shite last night so couldnt get out of bed this morning. Managed to drag me arse out about 10 and called next door to my sis in law(mags) for breakfast of branflakes and brown whoelmeal bread and cup of tea and chat (kinda my morning ritual really if I dont call she thinks im sick and panics ha ha.. shes the best I love her like a sis..anyway headed to meet my PT in gym at 12.30 then and OMG the poor guy i swear why he bothers I dont know cos everything he asked us to do I moaned and said do I have to... but did an hr of cardio anyway and stomach excerises so will be stiff in the morning but it got me out of my lazy moment. Had shower there and then went out for lunch (I know gym then out for lunch ill never learn)but we were all aroud this avo so decided to meet up. I had cod and chips for dinner not the healthiest but I am trying to eat more fish so not too bad although I had hot chocolate pie with ice cream for dessert too so that not good..
Came home and took missy for a long walk around the block good 20 min brisk walk and hills too so made up for the dessert. Decided not to have any dinner then this eve cos that lunch was big enough so once I had gregs made and him feed I called for Mags and we headed out for another walk 45 mins along the water front in Cobh. Tis a fab evening here sun still shining now.. loads out walking too. Came home and made myself a roll with tuna salad in it and big glass of water so overall it was an alright day health wise...
After eating the lily o'briens easter egg yesterday I felt a lot of pain in my lump under my arm so it really has given me a scare enough to stop me eating chocolate or at least too much chocolate so thats a good thing. Going to make a quiche tomorrow with asparagus and grilled ham pieces so ill have that then for dinner.. greg watching match on tv now missy chasing an empty plastic bottle around the front room and im ready for bed .. please god ill sleep tonight after all the fresh air and exercise today  x x

Day 1 of my healthy eating kick

Well I decided last night that I need to start eating healthier to help this chemo fully work on my body so today was day one and well lets just say Ive no will power....started off great 2 boiled eggs on brown wholemeal toast and coffee no sugar skimmed milk...then my brother dropped me to hospital to get my picc line flushed at 12.30. On way back home I told him Id treat him to lunch for the spin so we headed to a local restuarant called The Elm Tree. While driving there we passed my dad heading in the opposite directions and knew he was heading to another restuarant up the road so we turned back and followed him up. Once there my healthy eating started to go out the window and this place does the best grills and fry's so ended up having 2 bacon and 2 sausages and fired egg which I gave to my brother as I had already eaten 2 eggs earlier in the morning....I did manage to have brown toast(oh right thatll make a difference ya muppet). Once back home and after doing some washing and hanging out some clothes I decided to call out to work and drop off my sick certs as Im suppose to drop them in wkly but hadnt been up to going out there in recent wks so had 8 or 9 wks of certs. Twas nice being back in there funny really cos before I hurt my back last yr and ended up off work for 6 months I hated my job and used to cry some days I wanted to get out of there so badly cos I had been promoted to Area Leader (sort of a supervisor but they named it something else so they wouldnt have to pay us typical big company crap) and it was very stressful as when they promoted a few of us the let others at our level go and others were demoted to opertors again 'rough' also the operators under us had their wages froze so all in all as im the kinda of leader who likes to motivate people and encourage them to work in a good happy enviroment with all these changes this was starting to become mission impossible and the operators started trying to join a union to get better treatment (which I dont believe in cos I think unions just take your money and do fick all but thats just my opinion each to their own I say) but atmosphere in their become horrible sometimes I wonder did the hole stress of it bring on my disc injury as I was gyming like mad to releive some stress and doing a lot of spinning classes.. i even applied for 12 months leave of abxence as myslef and greg had discussed heading to Canada ...anyway with all that drama the back op ended up giving me time away from work and when i went back in sept I felt much better and things had started to improve in there and it felt good to be back with my colleagues.
Now im out again and today just felt strange kind of a longing to just get my life back to normal...sort of a panic feeling of 'am I ever going to get back to normal' what lies ahead of me in life...but still twas good to catch up.
So after seeing workmates and realising how much I miss being the person I was 12 months ago a very strong leader who people looked up to and turned to with problems and personal issues to now being the person who has CANCER... I ended up comfort eating by cooking a big chicken casserole for myself and greg and after eating that ...even though I wasnt hungry I cleaned off a Lily O'Briens easter egg..so now im on the couch disgusted with my crappy shitty eating day but have decided to start again in the morning as Im meeting with my PT in the gym tomorrow for a session so instead of comfort eating I can take out my upset on the machines and weights... so im putting today behind me and picking my chin up and thinking positive as sure once im finished chemo and please god the operation goes well Ill be back to work and probably be allergic again in a week... bring on my old boring life again I swear ill not complain....Talk tomorrow x x x

OMG such a lazy day today

Since I had such a late night last night lets just say I made up for it today as I didnt do sweet all but twas nice cos yesterday was a busy day too with all the painting and then night out so myself and greg had a late breakfast and then went for small spin in car down to waterfront and got ice creams this avo then back on couch watching come dine with me for avo .....
Tomorrow I have to go to hosie to get my picc line flushed again and make sure the swelling has gone down in the vein.. thankfully i have another wk before i got back in for chemo so looking forward to enjoying this wk catching up with friends for lunch goign to see my PT at the gym and having a good workout release some tension and stress ha ha and we have easter at the end of wk too (chocolate...). We are heading to limerick for 2 nights of just chilling out the two of us away form all chemo and cancer talk and just be us for 2 nights cant wait....

What a Day...

Saturday the 16th April.. 'what a day indeed'....started with breakfast down the town with hubby nice and relaxing then we came home and made a start on painting as we have my sister and family coming home in July for 2 wks and dont want to leave all the DIY till they nearly here incase Im not feeling well. So off we went emptying the spare room painting cupboards walls ceilings(well I did cupboards Greg did the rest hehe ) then i progressed onto the back hall and must admit not bad!!!! nice and bright I choose a kind of light lemon colour called pashmina. So overall we were happy.
Then I had to jump into shower as by the time we finished it was 5 o'clock, were does the time go when you doing DIY tis crazy .. I had my oldest neice 21st party in bellavista chinese at 7.30. Only good thing about having cancer (if I can actually say there is a good thing) is that showering can be done in ten mins as ive no hair to its in scrub and out woohoo...Bad side is instead of spending an hr doing my hair I now spend and hr or more doing my makeup as my eyelashes are nearly gone (eyebrows still hanging in there at least) and doing makeup with no eyelashes is SO hard cos no matter how well you paint your face (my idea of putting on makeup) and eyes you still look kind of like you forgot something.. so it takes a bit of creative colours and lines to give the right effect.. but I pulled it off I think.. and we headed out .
Had a fab meal and plenty of red wine twas lovely. My neice is pregnant so I organised the evening for her as she didnt want a party but she did like the idea of a meal and get together... so as shes my first niece I said Id organised it for her. Overall there was 16 of her cousins and family so she was delighted.
I was ready for bed about midnight my niece had headed away about 11 as she was tired she has only 6 wks left (more excitement) but my sis in law (mags and her sis trisha) were on a roll so I stayed and managed to stay awake till 2.30am...now I must admit and it really has nothing to do with having cancer 'Im just too old to do late nights anymore'
I love going out early having grub a few nice drinks and home by midnight (I knowI know.. sad!!!) but still one night every so often is good... but I can tell ya now twil be couch all day Sunday do x

technically this is Fri the 15th post

Howdy dowdy.. today started off a bit shitty didnt sleep last night as my arm which has a picc line in it (for the chemo as my veins are collapsing) have swellled up and is soooo painful. I rang hosie and they said to come up and let doc see incase it was infected. So 11 am this morning i was in the south infimary but thankfully line is fine but vein may have pilbitis(cant spell) so on more antibiotics now for that and neurofen for the pain.. but as the day went on it picked up as I had 4 friends calling this evening so spent avo cleaning up sittingroom and went to woods with missy and jean and polly(shes a staff bull terrier and is so cuddley) and pip(shes a westhighland terrier adorable).. missy loves the woods and loves polly!!
Anyway Ann,Lisa,Jean and georgina all called up about 8.30 and we had pringles and vino... and blackforest gateau for later... twas a good catch up I really love when we as a group met up as we always have a good banter and get on so well.their the kind of girls you can just be yourself with even ann turned up ion uggs and tracky and check shirt no apoligise just thats her chilled out(love it)
.hence why my Fri 15th post is now going on the Sat 16th page as I was chatting so much and then blogging about it it went past midnight... Greg is here with me now (poor guy got kicked out while girls called ... to explain - we share a house with my dad basically he gave it to us as hes old and im the youngest so he said rather than us renting hed sign it over to me and we could start doing it up gradually (love him) its a big enough house and we have our own part of the house just share bathroom and kitchen etc we have our own sitting room and 3 bedrooms and a spare room which Greg is turning into his games room/computer room but everything gone on a slow mo since I got sick so poor ends up in bedroom with laptop when frineds call to me ahhhh hes the best x x hes watching simpsons from earlier now while im blogging here and missy is attacking the bean bag... good times ha ha Im a lucky lady x

day 1 of my blog ha ha

Ok its the day after my nieces 21st bday and ive decided to write a blog.... why? dont know really maybe to relieve some stress or just moan although i hope i dont moan too much else ill only annoy myself reading it back...So how does this work... ill start with a bit about myself even though im talking to myself here but what the hell im great company ha ha
Married to greg nearly 4 yrs now. Got married in Italy Lake Garda twas best day of my life loved it...We have a gorgeous dog named Missy whos a golden cocker spaniel we got her for Greg's Birthday in Oct as last yr I had a rough yr as I had a slipped disc in my back that ended up severing my sciattic nerve causing me to loose the feeling in my right leg and hence had an operation in June to remove the disc. Finally got back to work (pharamacuetical leader) in Sept part time and things were looking up until .......
Got diagnosed with Breast Cancer Dec 10 2010 and currently 5 chemo sessions in and not doing too bad... i have 8 in total which will take me up to the end of June then its operation time all going ok and then ....well who knows the world is my oyster....(enough for now me thinks ...)